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|Sunday, January 26th, 2003|
|Saturday, January 11th, 2003|
|the best song EVER...
i believe the best song ever written would have to be the theme song from the early 90's television masterpiece entitled "BLOSSOM".
the lyrics to the song are as follows:
"dont know about yr ______ ,thats anybodys game,
aint no other reason for getting all depressed,
pack up your pad and pencil,
i'll give you a piece of my mind,
and in my opinionnation the sun is gonna surely shine,
stop all your fussing,
slap on a smile,
come out and walk in the sun for a while,"
thank you. i love my fans.
|goat vaginas on my windsheild...
my boyfriends penis is REALLY small,but,its ok because he has a great personality. The following is a list of things i love about him:
1.hes in a grunge band called "stony bone chyld".
2.he wears beanies.
3.he got me a copy of Sonic Youth "dirty" for christmas,YOU RULE!!!
4.he gave me a silverchair shirt.
5.he doesnt mind that i dont shave my armpits.
I love you donnie!! You are soo kewl!! Will you let me fondle your small penis nightly? i will luv it and you gently!! happy valentines day,i love you!!
|Friday, January 10th, 2003|
|BRANDY!! I LOVED YOU!!
Please call me!! i have been calling you for hours!! i have zits on my face,in the shape of the phone!! Please!!
I wanna be with you!! I am more obsessed with you than Micheal Jackson is with magic!! PEACE UNTO YOUR FAMILY!!
THE MAGIC OF A CROWN IS AWAITING TO BE SET ONTO YOUR HEAD!!
the nose is so distorted!
|Tuesday, December 31st, 2002|
|my wife's ex-husband was in whitehouse.
i have seen lionel ritchies genitals,soaking wet in his bedroom all the while an attractive 19 year old woman sits next to him reading the newest issue of boys life aloud.
my last wife was such an alcoholic that once i found her passed out in the shower drunk and clenching a soaking wet S.A.T. test and a broken number 2 pencil.
i found a half-eaten chicken sandwich on the street last night and wrote "future property of a total hobo" on it it red sharpie marker.
|my left harm.
Moving out of my parents house was such a hard thing for me to do.
I was 32 years old and all of the bone in my left arm was completely shattered & destroyed. I had decided it was time to bid goodbye to my family and try living on my own.
I knew i had major sexx appeal and if i had nothing else,then i knew a woman somewhere could/would love me.
I have no former training. I dropped out of school in 7th grade. I couldnt deal with being picked on. My left arm has never made me quite the popular guy. When i walked through the hallways the arm would flap quite rapidly,especially when i ran,women never found this sexy and guys never found it cool. I also have no feeling in the arm,so,when i got bored in class i would try to impress my fellow students by stapling a piece of paper to it or stabbing it over & over.
My left arm looks horrible,half of it is black (from the damage i have inflicted upon it).
Who will accept me and my arm? If any beautiful woman are reading this and are interested in men with limp,dead,black arms please email me at:
I am the kind of man that would never inflict pain upon you!!!
|Sunday, December 29th, 2002|
My stubble is growing much to fast.It is thick and black, i look like an italian.
Jessica must feel very alone right now. I feel bad for dumping her,but i new it was what i had to do.
I have decided to not go on a cruise with Jamie. She is to rich for me,i hate that rich bitch bullshit.
If jessica calls i wil hang up,i believe it would just add salt to the sore if i spoke to her much. Besides,shes the one that cheated on me. Shes the one that ruined it all.
My biceps are growing quickly. I will soon have a moustache. This new look is sure to turn on one too many chixxx.
Jamie just called and told me she misses "my hands on her tits". How should i reply to this call?
I fell down yesterday and landed on a small white cat and broke its back. It died 20 minutes later. Oh well,who needs them anyways?
fuck the nights.
|Saturday, December 28th, 2002|
|its getting hot in herre.
(excerpt from Jessica Willis' diary)
OH MY GOD!! I JUST GOT BACK FROM SEEING NELLY AND IT WAS SOO KEWL! HIS SEXY ABS MADE ME SO HORNY! IT WAS GETTING SO HOT IN THERRE!! KEWL AS KEWL KOULD BEE!! HEE HEE!!! B2K were also very kewl!! the lead singer boy is REALLY hot in herre!! hee hee!! IM GONNA TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF!! HEE HEE!! Im so tired from dancing!! he played the "i love my boo" song!! it was very much kewl also!! he was so fun to watch sexual dance!! this could be the night of this childs life!! the eternal sex-a-roni of the nelly man is so turning me!! IT IS GETTING SO HOT IM GONNA TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF!hehehe!!!
|Friday, December 27th, 2002|
(the following was written in blood on the ground of cell # SSS-A-4632,next to a dead italian man.)
"The reason i write this is so that the last few moments of my life may be documented. As i lie here,stabbed right below the heart by a sharpened toothbrush,i will detail my life on the wall of my cell,in my own dark italian blood.
I am Robert Donofrio and i am serving 24 years in the Arizona state penn for manslaughter. So far i have served 13 years and it seems that today shall most definately be my last.
I am a man of few bothers,although i do hate:
whistling,songs that contain whistling and the sound of wind.
I love many things:
deers,owls,the lips of a beautiful woman,the gentle caress of a womans hand late at night and early in the morning,alcohol and the sunday comics.
I am a generally pleasent man that was cursed 14 years ago as i hit a 16 year old boy and his mom. The alcohol coursing through my veins then clouded my vision and BAM! it was over in an instant. As i rose out of the vehicle to examine their dead bodies i noticed the womans face. It was untouched by the wreck, her hair was a gentle beach blonde and her large beautiful lips must have fueled many a mans fantasy. As i came to realize what i had done (taken 2 lives) i gently began to weep,called the cops and before i was escorted to the end of my life,i bent over and kissed the lips of the woman i had so sadly killed. I will remember this kiss Amy Jennings,for it was one of the best i have ever had. I am so sorry for taking your life ,will you ever forgive me?
I feel the intense pain of death now calling my name and i feel i must now follow the great light into the tunnel. I can only hope that they will bury me next to Amy and that i will see her wherever it is that i go. I shall miss this horrible place and to my favorite prison guard Micheal Laney, "Rex is the one that killed me,take care of him".
Peace be unto thee and goodnight,Robert Donofrio,1972-2003."
Robert Donofrio died at 7:53 pm on 12/07/03 due to loss of blood. Despite his wishes he was not buried next to Amy Jennings,that lot was reserved for her husband Peter Jennings,who to this day remains a famous newscaster.
|a real account.
Right now i lie next to my roomate. In between his snores i can hear the ruffle of his girlfriends (my ex) shirt, as they spoon next to me.
As my gun lay across the room i find myself tempted to fire a bullet into Micheals head,ending it all for him. He has stolen my favorite Beatles cassette and now my girlfriend.
I have heard her moan whilst she lay with him and it seems that he pleases her much better than i. This does not bother me,for i know that at any minute i could end both their lives with a single fire from my new gun. When will they be forced to go face down into the powder?
What the fuck did he do with my sgnt peppers tape? im gonna fucking kill that little bitch.
|Thursday, December 26th, 2002|
|the jennifer tapes.
(the following is what i heard on a casette tape found on the ground in the middle of Arizona,09/12/02).
man: so baby,are you gonna come over tonight?
jennifer: fuck you! leave me alone,i truly hate upon yr ass!
man: chill,im outta here.
(man walks away)
jennifer: I need no longer this shit. I was once married to the man that created the hit tv show ALF (dex Hanson)! I can please myself with many things (phallic fruit,my hand,sexx toyz). I need not a man in my life.
man2: Yo jennifer,wazz up? I hate your dress but your hair looks great today.
jennifer: thanks but i really like my dress.
man2: give me your money!
man3: RRRRRRRRSSSSSSTUOJFDKLF DJKFJF jIOFD JDFLKD JF!!
|Wednesday, December 25th, 2002|
|touching the werewolf pussy controls.
things i saw last night:
1.Madonna fucking batman while teen wolf watched.
2.a hobo on fire.
3.a female hobo on fire.
4.a small male child holding a bloody tank top and questioning his faith in god.
5.a old man holding a tube of lipstick screaming the following:
"peace be unto thine biotch! i am the only REAL woman of this town! i hated the overuse of color in the film Dick Tracy,how obnoxious are you Warren Beatty!!"
6.a substitute teacher bent over begging anyone to recieve "the golden sub-prize".
7.a piece of SOLID gold lying in the middle of the street (i refused to get it due to my INTENSE fear of (busy) traffic).
8.a christmas caroler named "carol".
9.a legless mechanic rolling uncontrollably down a steep,steep hill in a busted wheelchair screaming the words to "jessies girl".
10.a buffalo and a human child holding hands preparing for some VERY heavy petting.
"Stay cool and leave the children to me"
-signed in my 1996 school yearbook by Kristy Gear.
|Tuesday, December 24th, 2002|
|the test of Danny Olsen (get into the hoof).
"get into the hoof,
deer you've got to prove,
your cub to me, yeaaah"
A lonely dentist (Dan Olsen,born January 13,1962) finds a million dollars inside an abandoned car. Does he give it back? this is the test of all time. It is this that determines his morals and values. Is he a kind man? Is he forgiving? Does he love his family? Does he actually realize what he could do with this $1000000 dollars (buy a home,cars,shades,women,unlimited funyuns)........to be continued.
|did my son leave me a message from beyond the grave?
My son died 5 years ago,he was 16 years old. He was was visiting a petting zoo with his sister and as he went to gently stroke the broad neck of a young kangaroo this beast proceeded to punch a hole through his chest,killing him instantly.
My sons favorite band was Pearl Jam. He played in a Pearl Jam cover band called "Naughty Chyld"...
5 days after my sons death i went to get into our vehicle and as soon as i cranked the key the pearl jam song "black" was blasting from the radio..I cant help but feel this was a small message my son has sent me from beyond the grave..Black was his favorite Pearl Jam song,he always told me how he deeply connected with this song...do you think i am overreacting or does this seem to be more than an accident? please,those reading this,voice your thoughts.
-sincerely Ashley Hudson.
RIP Jackie Hudson 1982-2002.Merry christmas wherever you are.
|Monday, December 23rd, 2002|
|first letter Jamie wrote to Micheal Jordan.
Dear Micheal Jordan,
My name is Jamie Thompson. I live in Montana. I am your biggest fan. My brother punched me in the face and stole my Jordan poster. He is a bitch asshole. I love you and your ability to jump VERY high. My dad is racist and he hates you but i love you. He says you have extra muscles in your legs,is this true? Please write me back or i will shoot myself in the penis. I will always love you.
-your #1 fan, Jamie Thompson.
|Sunday, December 22nd, 2002|
|The battle part 001.
YOU ARE NEVER GETTING YOUR STROKES T-SHIRT BACK!! IT IS MINE NOW!! YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU FUCKED BOBBY!!
|Saturday, December 21st, 2002|
|the top 3 mysteries of 1994
1.A blonde man (31 years old) falls down and horribly skins his left knee in the parking lot of a safeway. -dec.21,1994
2.An annoying & easily sexually excited englishman gets dumped by his girlfriend (shakira). -dec.21,1994
3.A nun gets turned on (for the 2nd time in her life) by a sweat bead that falls from a priests forehead. -dec.21,1994
|HAND OF OPERATORSS,scene one.
Jake: How could you show up late! The food is now cold and i have no time left to hang loosely with you.
Amanda: Im so sorry Jake! Its so sweet that you cooked but i didnt get off work until now!
Jake: Whatever,you are always pulling this shit. When is this going to end?
Amanda: Im so sorry but i had to work late! I am so behind on the carruthers report,you have to understand that. This is a very important job. Please let me make this up to you.
Jake: The purity in your heart is currently none! You have no time for me or my food. I'm taking my death-ridden ass outta here! you said you would care for me when the nurse couldnt show up and you lied! Today i had to crawl to the bathroom twice and my IV fell out!!
Amanda: Oh god Jake,i am so sorry! Please...I will call in sick tomorrow and we will spend all day together!!
Jake: No!! Im tired of this! Just leave me to die,alone in this shitty cabin hooked up to all of these life saving devices! I deserve it! You deserve to watch me rot!!
(Jakes heart meter begins to beep and he flatlines)
(Amanda,realizing that Jake has passed away, begins eating the left over food and stroking his bald head. This will be their last scene together. Two weeks later she will forget his last name and will throw away the expensive bracelet (it was $670.23) he purchased her for christmas last year.)
The last 4 days have been incredible. I urge you to visit me here in Florida. The woman are beautiful and the men are musky. The sun never goes down and the homeless are incredibly repulsive. The streets are paved with the blood of the young (lots of youth are killed here due to drunk driving) and the buildings NEVER exceed 15 stories. Your would live the life of a king if you could stay here with me and Chance. We have been playing quite regularly and NECK/K is in its current truest form. The other night Chance & I stumbled into a late night dive only to find ourselves amidst a most intriguing party. There were freshly cut-off deef hooves being tossed around and topless women and men lying on the ground in total silence with their legs straight in the air. The smell was horrid as we feasted upon the hooves. Please come and visit us,as we miss you much.
-love, Rich Leggett & Chance Caves
|visions ruined,part 6
I hate my job and its just getting worse. Today i had 2 soft tacos for lunch and i proceeded to accidentally drop alot of taco bell meat + sour cream onto Mrs. Thomasons new white skirt!! Just my luck...Eery day at work i masturbate to visions of Mrs. Thomason on the beach in a beautiful bikini running alongside a beautiful white horse. Now i will never be able to clear from my head the image of her swiping taco meat & sour cream from her new white dress!! This has destroyed my solo sexxx life!! How will i ever rid myself of this horrid image? My libido is now non-existant. I will soon become an avid collector as i watch my genitalia shrivel into the void of nothingness. She was the only woman i have ever found to be attractive,what shall i do now?